SATIRE EDITION

Facebook Uncovers the Truth at CHS!

The “SoMaLounge” piece reflects the local popular Facebook group, where thoughts and feelings are shared on a plethora of topics everyone cares about a little too much. We are all deeply concerned with each other’s business, so enjoy The Columbian’s take on this coveted group…[FULL ARTICLE]

An Apology, Sincerely 2020

To my friends, supporters, and to the people who want to see me gone, I wanted to do this in a way that was honest to both my stans, my viewers, and honestly, my haters. Writing this all down is letting me voice my thoughts in a respectful and honest way, not clouded by tears and anger. I wanted to voice my piece as neutral as possible…[FULL ARTICLE]

 

Procrastination During Quarantine

Instead of writing my english essay, I decided to spend my time dying my hair bright orange. I mean, my friends said it would look good, and I had writer’s block, so I thought that this would be a good way to find inspiration…[FULL ARTICLE]

 

 

 

MAPSO Top 10’s

Read to find out the most-read, most-watched and most-listened to of 2020! Let us know what you think! [FULL ARTICLE]

 

If Not for COVID

Now past the one year mark of when lockdown began, we have seen protests, riots, contested elections, empty arenas and so many more things that would have seemed impossible a year ago. But were the events of the past year really that far a cry from what we were on pace for, regardless of a pandemic shutting down the world? It’s worth exploring…[FULL ARTICLE]

 

The Problem with Superheroes

Thanks to the increased number of Marvel fans, Marvel’s presence on message boards like Reddit and Quora has increased drastically, allowing those talented and passionate wordsmiths within the community to express their opinions and engage in intense conflicts and feuds with other users both in and outside the fandom… [FULL ARTICLE]

 

Dear Diary

Today is Monday, June 21. We have six whole days of school left! I haven’t stepped down the dusty Columbia halls in over a year. I never thought I would miss seeing the occasional mouse or fearing a ceiling tile would fall on me again! [FULL ARTICLE]

 

Break a Leg: A Satirical Take on Sports at CHS

A common pre-game, or should I say pre-performance, saying in the arts is break a leg. Though for students of the arts this is simply metaphorical, for athletes at Columbia High School (CHS) and in the towns of Maplewood and South Orange, breaking a leg is very possible… [FULL ARTICLE]

 

Kindling: The Dating App for our Technology

Welcome to Kindling, the premier dating app for technological platforms from all across the Internet! Below, we are showcasing the profiles of four of our hottest bachelors and bachelorettes. Like what you see? Let Apple know by demanding the approval of our app to the app store…[FULL ARTICLE]

 

Hor(r)o(r)scopes

This past year has been a difficult time for everyone. Let’s see if the stars spell out a tale of good fortune… [FULL ARTICLE]

 

These Fashion Tips Can Save Your Life!

mask-cartoon-1-1As the South Orange-Maplewood School District (SOMSD) officially enters the second year of its altered format thanks to the coronavirus (COVID-19), fashionable students and teachers within the district – as well as other fashionistas within the overall Maplewood and South Orange (MAPSO) community – have started to grow tired of the same old protective face masks… [FULL ARTICLE]

 

Digital Game Quiz

Since the dawn of time, or at least since education became compulsory, young students have found ways to distract themselves during the long school hours. Paper airplanes, bubblegum, and cell phones have resulted in scores of detentions and lectures from exasperated teachers. Yet virtual school has created a situation with less accountability for students who wish to do anything other than sit through a Zoom lesson… [FULL ARTICLE]