Satire

Lindsay Gross, Opinions Co-Editor

Dear Diary, 

Today is Monday, June 21. We have six whole days of school left! I haven’t stepped down the dusty Columbia halls in over a year. I never thought I would miss seeing the occasional mouse or fearing a ceiling tile would fall on me again!

I was so excited to have gym as my first period class. I laid down on the ground and opened up TikTok, just like when I had gym at home. My teacher yelled at me to get up and get off of my phone, “This is physical education class, you cannot be sitting down on your phone.” Yeah, yeah, because that’s not what we’ve all been doing for the past year… 

He put all of our phones in “phone jail” and gave us The Pandemic Diet or Exercise Plan. 

The Pandemic Diet or Exercise Plan by Health Professional, Dr. Ko Veed:

Wow. I feel so informed after reading thisI wish I had it sooner! Definitely will not be sending it to Aunt Sue though.

Seeing people in the halls was weird, too. My friend Joe said hi to me, but I looked down at my phone and said hi to him on Snapchat instead. Conversations in person are so last year. 

I didn’t realize how often I’ve been going to the bathroom during the school day because I didn’t have to ask permission to get next door to my bedroom! I got up to go during my English class and got detention 😦 that’s bull SH*T (haha punny!). One kid in the bathroom sneezed in their mask and then blew their nose in there, too. Then, they put it back on. At least they’re being COVID safe…

Basically, diary, It was so weird to be back in CHS (that’s what we call Columbia High School, btw). My teachers called on me so many times and I actually had to answer them! Usually, I’ll just say my wifi is bad, but in CHS, the wifi is always bad, ugh! 

The one thing I didn’t miss about CHS was the announcements. I thought having announcements five times a day was a lot before, but now, every 30 minutes, we have an announcement of “If your car is parked in the senior lot with a license plate of xyz, it will get towed if you don’t move it in the next 10 seconds.” #RIP the senior lot 😦

I finally got home after an amazing day of seeing all of the people I never thought I would ever see again! Including Joe… 

Before I even walked to my front door after school, my mom had put a PB&J sandwich waiting for me on the doormat. I think she forgot that online school is not for forever…. I mean 174 out of 180 days is a lot, but six days at CHS is sure more memorable than none!

With love, 

A student who can’t wait to have their last few days of school be anything like today! ❤

Design By: Albert Braka